The Secret to Staying Regulated? Let Yourself Feel Angry

Our 'natural' anger is always correct. It's its unnatural accumulation or suppression that can create dysfunction, where we may then unjustly hurt others.

Now, when your reactivity or short-fuse have gotten you into trouble in the past, it may feel counterintuitive to lean into your anger...but this is exactly where your power lies.

The irony is that, the more angry you become, the less angry you become.

To allow your anger, is to follow the path of least resistance. It is to do what you were created to do...to feel. Feeling and expressing your anger is a part of regulation.

Our regulated states tend to be so fragile because we try to transcend or bypass, the most basic tenet of regulation, of a healthy nervous system...being human. Our emotions are not a symptom of a malfunction, a sign that you are doing something wrong or a failing, they are an inbuilt technology that actually supports healthy function. So when we fight against our natural anger or sadness, this is when the dysfunction arises.

Disproportionate or misdirected anger tends to be shadows of appropriate responses you didn't or weren't allowed to express in the past so interestingly enough, what creates a reactive person, is being easy-going...too easy-going.

Oftentimes, in instances where we express exaggerated anger, where we are overly protective or where we 'leak' onto the wrong person, the ego has warped reality and has transported itself back in time, imagining itself in the many instances of mistreatment and disrespect where, for whatever reason, we chose silence. Overcome by the sensations of all this unprocessed disruptive energy, finally we respond. But unfortunately, a response delayed...becomes a reaction.

So to learn to be with our natural anger, REAL-TIME and not be overwhelmed by its latent manifestation...eruption, is to trust it as inherently just and as a mechanism for balance. It is to feel and express our anger at the actual point of origin.

Regulation is also more than the process of integrating or metabolising disruptive energy, through allowing our natural response to the disruption. It also comes with a responsibility, the creation of future safety. Through expressing the boundaries your anger is telling you need to be communicated, or through separation (literally where you can or through selective attachment), you create safety, reducing your chances of experiencing the same treatment from the same person.